as Sunday draws to a close
w/ only a can of redbull & sips of water
dat has lasted me thru breakfast, lunch & dinner..
as i mull over my bank's whopping $1 account
i begin to wonder abt all d thoughts & emotions
dat have accompanied my predicament
shud i cry? how temporary
shud i construe up some self promises? how useless
instead i have chosen to pen down an entry
of another point in my life..
as real as it gets i guess..
no façades, just me
who or wad can i blame? nobody except myself
i am simply suffering d consequences
of d misjudgement of my choices
ending a contract without adequate savings..
yearning for a break
overestimating my abilities
& endurance in acquiring d job i want after resting
thinking i dun have to mass-send resumes like others
n just focus on d vocation i want
& labouring to get dat
without knowledge of how long it'll take
or whether it REALLY is wad i want..
or wad God wants for me
but right now i need money
who cares abt fame or politics or friends
when i cant even afford one meal a day?
wad r all these secondary & tertiary needs
when i'm abt to die due to lack of pyramid baseline?
then again, starving for a day isn't much
a far better punishment
than chopping a hand off i guess
i DO still have, however, two sets of cup noodles
two packets of maggie & couple porkballs
which can help me survive a tad bit longer
& protein shake dat can replace
one meal per day for a month longer
so i guess that's settled
perhaps i'm not really a big-picture kinda guy
preferring specifics to generics, instructions especially
will be getting a side job for now
earn some income to supply my study loan repayment,
hand phone bills, transport & food etc.
while waiting for Garena
to open up a slot for me as shoutcaster.
seems so difficult tho but i'm still hoping for a chance one day
i know d saying "if it was easy, everyone would do it"
but right now i'm d one trying to do it
& d journey isn't all that pleasant imo.. daunting even
d only method i currently know is to keep creating videos
to showcase my skills..
entertain subs & attract more viewers or likes
allow them hirers to see i not only want it
but i have d tenacity to be an asset if contracted
a consistent, dependable employee
i know chances r bleak but
i shall hang w/ it for now
as d saying goes..
"if u keep throwing shit at d wall, some day smth will eventually stick"
fabulous february indeed
