Fabulous February

as Sunday draws to a close

w/ only a can of redbull & sips of water

dat has lasted me thru breakfast, lunch & dinner..

as i mull over my bank's whopping $1 account

i begin to wonder abt all d thoughts & emotions 

dat have accompanied my predicament

shud i cry? how temporary

shud i construe up some self promises? how useless

instead i have chosen to pen down an entry 

of another point in my life..

as real as it gets i guess.. 

no façades, just me

who or wad can i blame? nobody except myself

i am simply suffering d consequences

of d misjudgement of my choices

ending a contract without adequate savings..

yearning for a break

overestimating my abilities 

& endurance in acquiring d job i want after resting

thinking i dun have to mass-send resumes like others

n just focus on d vocation i want

& labouring to get dat

without knowledge of how long it'll take

or whether it REALLY is wad i want..

or wad God wants for me

but right now i need money

who cares abt fame or politics or friends

when i cant even afford one meal a day?

wad r all these secondary & tertiary needs

when i'm abt to die due to lack of pyramid baseline?

then again, starving for a day isn't much

a far better punishment 

than chopping a hand off i guess

i DO still have, however, two sets of cup noodles

two packets of maggie & couple porkballs

which can help me survive a tad bit longer

& protein shake dat can replace 

one meal per day for a month longer

so i guess that's settled

perhaps i'm not really a big-picture kinda guy

preferring specifics to generics, instructions especially

will be getting a side job for now

earn some income to supply my study loan repayment,

hand phone bills, transport & food etc.

while waiting for Garena 

to open up a slot for me as shoutcaster.

seems so difficult tho but i'm still hoping for a chance one day

i know d saying "if it was easy, everyone would do it"

but right now i'm d one trying to do it

& d journey isn't all that pleasant imo.. daunting even

d only method i currently know is to keep creating videos

to showcase my skills..

entertain subs & attract more viewers or likes

allow them hirers to see i not only want it

but i have d tenacity to be an asset if contracted

a consistent, dependable employee

i know chances r bleak but

i shall hang w/ it for now

as d saying goes.. 

"if u keep throwing shit at d wall, some day smth will eventually stick"

fabulous february indeed